At our new bar, Rosie will be all grown up and operate her own caravan. I will wait ’til she has finalised her menu etc. before announcing too much, but I thought I’d let you all know that we have gone and picked up her caravan off the ferry in Picton, towed it back, and she is in the process of setting it up.

It’s all very exciting to us to finally have some forward momentum in a year where it feels like we have constantly been knocked backward.

Here’s the caravan on the way home.

Two nights ago, our drains went into reverse, covering the whole downstairs of our apartment with human shit. And I’m not just talking smelly water here. I’m talking actual, identifiable feces. This would be bad enough if it was just my own shit, but it was a combination of all the scat from the whole street, all mixed together with little bits of toilet paper.

Really horrible stuff.

So we’ve had to move out. But it means from now when you see me, I am going to be one of those glum guys, who sighs deeply all the time and cannot see the good in any situation.

Here’s a nice photo of my shower.

Rosie and I are saving up our money to open a shop called Yeast Infection that sells bread, beer, cottage cheese etc. and I think this would be a perfect product for us to stock.

Francois and I were going to make up some tasting notes for the new beers but in the end we just drank a whole lot of beer and got drunk, talking close to one anothers faces and laughing red-faced laughter (I could smell garlic on his breath).

Try this beer, you won’t be disappointed.

Here is a photo of Garry grinning beside the caravan after we have had just bought it off a gypsy.

And here is a photo of Greg grinding rust off with a drill while wearing no eye or ear protection. Not to mention all the shit he was breathing in. Next week we will patch up the holes with spit and newspaper and paint the chassis a shiny silver.

Please note that the caravan is being hilariously held up by a forklift so that he can get under it properly. We decided that the tragedy for our family would be too great if we were both killed when the thing fell off the fork, so took turns, one lying under and working while the other acted as a spotter.

So, over the summer when you are enjoying a pie and a Bodgie, think of Greg, lying in a puddle and making bad metal appear safe.

A while back we put a Big Mac in a jar as we got sick of drunks telling us “D’you know that you can put a Big Mac in a jar and it doesn’t go off for like a year…” Being proud sceptics we decided to conduct an experiment in the name of science and fast food.

The first Big Mac was placed in a jar where it sat on the shelf for nine weeks without developing any mould. It just looked like a small version of the Big Mac. Well… Cole got drunk and bet $20 that he could eat it. He got almost half way through it before feeling violently ill and the half-eaten burger was put back in the jar. It instantly began developing mould where Cole’s grubby fingers had touched it and looked so gross that we threw it out.

Then I decided that we needed to try again and purchased another burger, which I transferred to the jar wearing sterile rubber gloves. I believe with any good scientific methodology you should state what the expected outcome will be and if I were a scientist I would have stated that the burger would remain mould free for at least four months.

It seems trendy to hate on McDonalds these days but the results speak for themselves. This burger is only one month old and almost completely covered in mould. It seems McDonalds PR campaign is right – they are using fresh ingredients.

So, I think I will try the experiment one more time and this time include BK and KFC burgers for fairness. What do you think will happen?

PS. Cole said the old burger tasted like arse (which makes me suspicious he has been eating arse).