I have spent the past few months trying to obtain a building consent to put a bus, a caravan, and two portable buildings on a property in the city. The site is to be wrapped in scaffold to keep the wind out and create a “building” using a material that is everywhere in the city in a novel fashion.

The Planning department was my first stop. They were super helpful and supportive and guided me through the process. I got the impression that Council wanted businesses that had been destroyed in the quake to remain in the city and would facilitate this happening. Thanks to everyone in planning, you made my life easy and gave me hope.

Then I hit building consent, a department that would make a Monty Python skit look sensible and predictable. From the first point of contact they were unhelpful, restrictive, dogmatic, small-minded and determined to ensure I incurred as many unnecessary costs as possible.

Let me say that my intention is not to do anything that is in any way unsafe. I had a proper fire report and structural engineers have looked at the scaffolding and done all their complicated calculations to ensure it wouldn’t blow over in the wind or fall over in an earthquake.

But… the Council needs to see that a couple of portable buildings on a piece of empty land is different from the erection of a multi-storey permanent building. I am getting hit with the same consent requirements as I would if I were building the Empire State Building. This is silly and expensive and every time another fucking engineer has a bright idea that I need to prove something else it costs me thousands of dollars in fees.

If I’m not there you will have a car park for the next two years.

I managed to get to the head of department and he is a lovely, reasonable, pragmatic bloke. He helped me through what I saw as the tail end of my application. I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel. After weeks of silly fighting over paperwork, I thought I was there. I had held my tongue in public because all I wanted was to get my consent and get trading again.

No.

Today’s development is that the Council engineers “don’t have the expertise” to deal with our application from a structural point of view. As such, they have farmed it out to an external consultant – passing on the fees to me – so that some expert can look at whether a portable toilet and kitchen are safe. Maybe wind on a scaffold is too tough for the mediocre engineers that end up working there, but really, you should be able to handle a couple of portable buildings.

It is the passing on of time and cost without a care in the world that is rotten and horrible. If you aren’t competent to look at an application, maybe hire someone that is – give them some of that fat pay-rise that Big Tony has so kindly handed half back.

It seems to be nobody’s fault that they are operating in such a dysfuncional fashion. I have come across good people within the organisation that understand my predicament and sympathise with me. I thank these people for their support, but I can see good people getting nowhere. So, somebody needs to be held accountable for just how fucked up the Council has become, operating like it’s business as usual and driving small businesses broke.

So, I’m blaming Tony and Bob. When the head of the fish is rotten, the rest soon follows. There has been a monumental failure of leadership and if all the staff I talk to are not responsible, then somebody has to be. So “thank-you” to all the staff who have been helpful. I mean that. I can see when good people are in a bad place. But someone is at fault and while it might be nice to fly home to Hamilton after a hard days work, some of us are stuck here trying to rebuild our lives. if you’re so good at management how about you fix this broken monster.

That is why I was at the protest. To shout my dissatisfaction at the side of a building and join with others around me in saying “Something has to change. For some of us this is our home, not just a job.”

I live in the city. Right on the edge of the Cordon. I think about 15 people are living in my entire block at the moment. Round here it’s like a sideshow during the day with rubberneckers, while at night the streets are deserted. This can be nice when you and a bunch of like minded idiots feel like riding dodgy dirt bikes with no mufflers up and down the back street at break-neck speeds for short intervals before hurriedly heading back behind the gate, sure the police must be on their way.

At the end of the night the Garage was good and full. It made me so proud and I asked Mark to take a beautiful photograph of that moment. I was quite pissed by then.

Bikes in the Garage

RDU is launching its mobile broadcast studio, a radio station built in an old horse truck. There are tons of excellent bands playing and Von Klap will be performing as well.

The event runs from midday ’til 11pm and you should all make an effort to get down and support such an excellent gig.

See you there.

In my family it was always a day off school, when we got as chance to dance, play music and as we got older – binge drink. When we were at Cartel a couple of years ago, we put together a wee band and called ourselves The Old Irish Drunks Getting Wankered on Free Piss. The problem was that we got paid a $1000 bar tab which we all hit hard before we had even started playing. This meant the set was awful and nobody was in time or tune. We played the same six songs all night long and the girls danced away to our stilted tempo.

The second year we played, Tim got so drunk he fell off the stage and passed out. Josh had to sing “The Band Played Waltzing Matilda” and what he lacked in tune he made up for in spirit. Then, Tim had the gall to say that he didn’t want to be in the band and stated that Mikey and I were the problem – not the first time he’s behaved like a bastard.

Last year, for Goodbye Blue Monday’s St Patrick’s Day, we formed rival bands. Everyone I talked to agreed that Mikey and I were much more handsome and talented than Tim. We all danced and got very drunk and a Japanese man gave the girls a $100 tip because he liked the dancing (tits) so much.

So, I’ve dusted off the set and scheduled a practice with Mikey. Tim will be playing with Marlon this year and you all need to get down and support Mikey and me. Here’s a photo of us when we were younger, with less K’s on the clock and playing together as a band.

It’s four Thursdays ’til St Patrick’s, put it in your diary now.

Bye bye Vincent, we will all miss you.

Anyway, we reckon it will be a nice night, full of good people and excellent music. We’ve got DJ Tony D and he reckons it’ll be the only place in town where you’re guaranteed to hear Nick Cave, Muddy Waters, LCD Soundsystem, Howlin’ Wolf and the Birthday Party.

So, why not pop down and see in the New Year with your favourite bar?

This Tuesday (tonight) and Wednesday Tim and Marlon are playing. They finally get a chance to do their Christmas carols in context.

On Thursday we have Motorbike night followed by a Country Music Vinyl evening with me and DJ Big Garry showing off how much more technically adept we are than DJ Tony D (thanks for the loan of the gear Tony).

Friday night is Christmas Eve and this year the liquor authorities are saying “no” to anyone trading after midnight. As such, the music is starting at 9pm and if you miss Von Klap’s Amazing Christmas Laser Show you will be mad for the whole of Christmas day. They’re promising tits, tinsel, smoke, mirrors and did I mention the laser?

We’re closed Christmas Day, Boxing Day, the 27th and 28th to give Tim and I a chance to fight with one another at Anna’s for a change.

We are open December 29, 30 and 31.

We are closed January 1-6. We are all going to Lake Hawea to lie in the sun and catch trout off our yacht.

Friday January 7 we will re-open. Won’t that be fun.

Don’t forget our Christmas Market tomorrow. This will be the final one for the year and is your last chance to get all those last-minute gifts.

The market runs from 10-4, so come down and see what all the fuss is about. Choice!

You will also be pleased to know that games night continued, albeit with some unusual characters playing Connect Four.

As always, the awesome live music is free. What a way to kick off a four day weekend.